“Sir, I’m Sorry” — Of Apologies and Lies
It was a disappointing day to begin with, when many ditched your class for something else that they thought were more worthy of their time and efforts. It strikes me a lot this semester, knowing very well, I am no longer the educator I used to be. My passion in teaching is still there, my willingness to spend hours in designing learning activities is still there and my eagerness to see positive changes in students’ progress is still there. But somehow, something is lacking. That “spark” that I constantly cling onto, is missing.
And today is the day, I received the sucker punch. A punch that makes me rethink my role as an educator.
It is my usual habit to ask those who fail to attend my class reasons for their absence. Despite knowing the usual “excuses” that they would give, there is always that feeling of wanting to get a “reasonable” answer. So, while entertaining streams of text messages coming in explaining their reasons, one student gave me the “punch” I needed. The usual “Sir, I’m sorry for bla bla bla…” came in with an unexpected “sad narrative” of how this student failed to be in class for the past three weeks. Trying to understand the situation, I offered several solutions and advice on how to help this student catch up. But it took only a few hours for me to realise all those were lies.
I was cheated. I was scammed. I was manipulated.
I received evidences of how this student willingly ditched classes just to go on a lenghty vacation. But this did not affect my feeling until I realised I have been used and manipulated to the extent that chances after chances were given to this student, who has no sense of regret.
You can say I’m too stupid to believe, maybe I am. But this makes me realise one thing — are we too empathetic in accepting apologies, in the name of “helping the students”? Or are we so used to giving second chances that we don’t mind hearing “I’m sorry” even if it is just a form of excuse.
There’s a quote from a book that goes “Sorry, always sorry. What in the world can you buy with an apology?”. It’s so true. While we want to assist the students, they should realise the consequence of their actions. And selfish acts of running away from responsibilities through lies and excuses should not be accepted.
An empathetic educator, as much as he or she wants to be kind, should never allow “giving excuses” to become a norm.
Sometimes we don’t need an apology . We’re better off letting a person feel their own shame before we give them any relief from their actions.
